Swinging as a single female can be a bit daunting, there’s no question about that. Stepping into a new situation when you’re on your own and where you might be leaving your comfort zone to experiment with new sexual fantasies – with one or more people – isn’t something that most people walk into easily. In reality however, there’s nothing to be nervous about.Single females are known as ‘unicorns’ in the swinging lifestyle because they are so rare that they have mythical status. This rareness, however, is what makes most women so tentative about going to a swinger’s club on their own. There’s no need to fear however, here at Sin Temptation we have some top tips to get you started on your journey and become the unicorn you were always mean to be.
If you are brand new to swinging, make sure that you understand what it’s all about. Swinging is a great way for couples to explore their sexuality, but of course single people are welcome to join in as well.
Before you start swinging, you need to really think about what it is that you are looking from the experience. Are there things that you don’t want to do, such as sex with two men? What are your fantasies? Swinging is a great way to make these come to life, and you’ll probably find someone who has the same kink as you do!
There are loads of swinging websites available now, and these are a great resource to help you become more comfortable with the lifestyle. You can chat to couples, as well as other singles. The majority of people that you’ll talk to are really friendly. Like all sites however, they do come with problems. As girls are rarer on these sites, you will tend to get a lot of unsolicited messages and pictures, so be prepared for that if you choose to sign up. You should also be aware of fake profiles, opportunists and married men hiding behind a nickname. Websites are still a great way to interact with others however, and remember, this is a virtual platform, and like all dating sites, not a true reflection of reality.
If you’re completely new to swinging, finding a couple online to meet up with can be a great introduction to the lifestyle before you go to any club nights. They can show you how a threesome works in real terms, and you’ll set up a dialogue with them beforehand. They can even tell you the best clubs to go to. This means that you won’t be as daunted if you decide at another stage that you want to play with two strangers at one of these nights.
If you are unsure about going to a club night alone, ask another single friend, whether male or female, or a couple to go along with you. Obviously if you know someone who is experienced then that is better, but if you are both new to the lifestyle you can find out what it’s all about together. Heading to some of the casual drink’s parties is also a way to make new friends who can bring you along with them to a club night and show you what it’s all about. The same goes for people you meet on swingers’ websites. People in the lifestyle are a friendly bunch and are always happy to look out for someone knew and ensure that they are comfortable.
Once you’re sure that you want to experience swinging for yourself, you need to decide what you want our first experience to be. There are a lot of different places where swingers meet to talk and to play. What one you decide to go to will depend on what you feel most comfortable with.
Swingers meet-ups are a great way to get involved in the lifestyle. Many communities and clubs put on mixers were people can socialise without any play, which is a great way for you to get to know some others on the scene and put your mind at ease regarding the type of people you might meet on a night out. In Luxembourg we have the Sin Drink, where members of the club can meet, whether experienced or beginners, in a couple or as a single person, and all within in a classic bar setting. Feel free to sign-up as a single lady to our event newsletters to receive the invitations with the secret address.
Swinger clubs are safe and often selective places to start your swinger journey. It’s an excellent way to see, meet and maybe play with other people in the lifestyle. In short, it’s basically a disco club for adults. You’ll find a bar, a dancing floor, as well as play rooms and showers. It’s up to you if you want to stay near the bar, have a chat and dance or have a look at the play rooms, where you can watch couples having sex. Another option is to join in the play yourself, perhaps in a closed room with a new play mate. A sexy dress code is often imposed, and sometimes themed parties are organized. It’s best to always check the website of the club prior your visit to see if there are any special events. Single girls often get a discount on the entrance fee which is just another reason to check out a club!
Swinger saunas are similar to swinger clubs, but in a different setting. Often opening during the day and night, they have a calm and relaxed atmosphere. Unlike in a club, everyone is covered only by a towel, so it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and under pressure to join in. Just like every part of the lifestyle however, consent is respected in saunas. You may find people more obviously watching you, and there are generally more men than women. Saunas are usually recommended for girls who are looking gang bangs, but we wouldn’t recommend this to beginners. Bring a friend or go with another couple who can look out for you. If you are looking for gang bangs, saunas are a great way to vet the men. You can observe how clean they are, whether they have showered, and if he is using a condom and washing between girls. Remember to always communicate what you want. As single girls are so rare, everyone is going to listen to you.
Here, you can meet men, women or couples privately at either their home or yours. Private parties tend to be held with people that the hosts already know, whether this is from the internet of from a swinger’s club. A private party gives you more time to explore individual fantasies, so make sure that yours are compatible with theirs before attending! We always suggest meeting people in a neutral place first, perhaps with a friend, before going to a party. Once you have had a chat, and know people better, is when a private session might be on the cards. Make sure that you also know most of the other people invited – some parties can get quite big. Making sure that you have selected people you want to play with beforehand insures that you are all on the same page.
Your body belongs to you! If it’s your body, you have all the rights. Don’t want to do something? Just say. You want to use a particular type of condom that you’ve brought with you, you have the right. If you want anal, double penetration, multiple men, a girl, a couple who wants in on an orgy, a gang bang, a bukkake, or to change your mind on anything, you have the right to say.
Just remember, that this applies to you too, and other people have the right to refuse. In the libertine environment a no is a no, but don’t be offended. Be respectful of the desires and expectations of others, compromises are always possible, and you have the right to change your mind at any time.
Safety when swinging is the most important thing. Throw out any ideas you have that it’s just going to either be a party full of men looking to prey on women, or that it’s going to be a party full of beautiful people. Neither of those things happen. Sexy comes in all different shapes and sizes. So long as you make yourself look presentable, you won’t have any issues. Remember you’re a unicorn.
Unicorn or not however, consent is the number one rule in the swinging lifestyle, just like in the vanilla world, so you won’t get jumped upon if you decide to go to a club. The swinging community is very open (no pun intended) and chivalrous. No means no, and you’ll never have to say it more than once.
Every club has their own set of rules, and it’s important to read them before you attend. These are the rules that everyone must follow so not only are they for you, they also apply to other people. This should reassure you if you are nervous. Remember that everyone at a swinger’s club is a member and will have been vetted thoroughly beforehand. The majority of clubs like to keep the number of single men down to prevent it being uneven, so there will be a lot more women there than you may first imagine.
The other golden rule of swinging is that condoms are always used, no questions. It’s a little bit different when it comes to oral, but if you want a condom to be used, then just say so. Depending on what you are comfortable with, if you go into a private room you can leave the door open slightly (so others can watch) or close the door completely. Remember that there is never any pressure for you to do anything, particularly if it is your first time. If you want to just watch, that’s quite alright. However, you may be pleasantly surprised at what you find, and you might end up having more fun than you thought!
Want to know more? Check out our Ultimate Guide to Swinging.