Swinging as a single man can be difficult to get involved in. Single men tend to have a reputation for being lecherous, and thinking they’re entitled to sex. This generally stems from lack of knowledge about the lifestyle however. Swinging isn’t just a sex free for all and going to a swingers club doesn’t mean that you’ll have, or are entitled to, any sex. Swinging is all about respect, and admittance to a club is done on the basis that you will follow the club’s rules and show respect for the other members. If you want to know more about the lifestyle, you can check out our Ultimate Guide to Swinging.
That being said, there is a place for single men in swinging. While it’s mostly seen as just couples, there are single men and women who participate as well. This can be as a second man in a threesome, as a cuckold, or as part of a gang bang. There are lots of opportunities for single men to get involved. Sometimes it is advisable to find a friend to attend events with, for example you could escort a single girl or find a couple to vouch for you. This is a great way to be introduced into the scene.
There are a lot of websites dedicated to people looking to swing, and these are a great way to get started. Profiles can be for couples looking for an extra, or single members of the swinging community. Remember that this isn’t a dating site, it’s for people who are interested in, or a part of, the swinging lifestyle. At the same time, the websites aren’t only about sex, they are about getting to know people a little before you meet them, and for other new people who are looking to explore. This means that you need to be respectful. If you are respectful online, this shows that you are likely to be respectful in person.
Swingers meet-ups are the perfect way for a single man to get involved in lifestyle. These are meetings organized by communities and clubs who put on mixers were people can socialise without any play. If you meet some people online, you can see them in person for the first time at a meeting such as this, and others will be able to have a chat with you before you first go to a club. This will build trust between you and others, and you won’t be a stranger when they encounter you in a play situation. In Luxembourg we have the Sin Drink, where members of the club can meet, whether experienced or beginners, in a couple or as a single person, all within in a classic bar setting.
Clubs and saunas are a great way to get involved in the swinging lifestyle. Because clubs are generally either members only, or you pay an entrance fee for a particular night, you will be vetted for suitability. This puts the rest of the people present at ease that you are not just there for unlimited sex. Clubs will also have a limit to the number of single men allowed in on each night, to try and keep numbers even. This also means that single women are less likely to be intimidated. Each club will have its own rules, so it’s important that you follow them.
Remember to check on the website of the club, as at times there will be themed events. As a general rule, you should dress nicely in a shirt, long trousers and good shoes. No cartoon t-shirts and trainers. Some clubs will ask that you keep your underwear on at certain times, and of course if you are in a sauna you will be nude apart from a towel or sandals.
Observe them at the bar and give them a smile. If they react you can go over and introduce yourself. Everyone is different, and some people will want small talk for a while before deciding if they want more, while others don’t care to talk, and only want to play. Use your judgements and instincts on how they are reacting, you’ll get better at this over time. Some will invite you to ‘meet’ them in a play room.
If you see a couple heading to a play room, you can follow them discreetly to see if they keep the door open. If they start playing in public, make yourself known to them and indicate that you would like to join in. Much of swinging revolves around reading body language, so if you’re not sure about this it might be best for you to watch how others interact on your first time.
In some clubs that have a trend for gangbanging, a light touch on the shoulder is a way of ‘asking’ for an invitation, otherwise you may not get any attention due to all the other men around! It’s best to leave gangbanging until you are more confident in what you are looking for, and the body language of swinging. Seeing it all for the first time is a lot different than watching it on a screen. Porn isn’t a good indication of real life.
In saunas, body language is also used, and there is in general a lot less talking and more playing. However, in all situations, try and get a definite indication that they are willing for you to take part. Consent is always paramount.
These are generally invitation only, so if you know another single woman or a couple, this is the best way to get involved. As these happen in someone’s home, they can be quite different from a club, so it is advised to only join a private party after you’ve had some experience. Who knows, eventually you might end up hosting one of your own!
As previously mentioned, every club will have its own set of rules that all members need to follow. There are however, also some general points to note before having your first swinging experience. Just follow these, and you won’t have a problem.
This is a difficult one, as body language comes into play a lot here. As a general rule, grabbing or touching out of the blue will be frowned upon and you’ll look like a creep. There is no exact guide out there on how to approach girls and couples. Some prefer their men to be passive, others dominant, and every variation in between. Knowing what to do will come with experience but consent is always a golden rule of the swinging lifestyle. A naked woman is not permission for touching. Consent is king, and if you don’t get it, you are likely to be blacklisted from the club. Following women even without touching can also make them feel uncomfortable, so try and respect this and keep your distance – don’t follow one woman or couple around all night when you haven’t spoken to them or aren’t going to interact.
Basic cleanliness is a must, but other hygiene points need to be considered. Bad breath will be off putting for all involved, so bring some mints with you to freshen up. If you are playing with multiple couples, wash your hands (and your groin if you need to) in between. Never put a finger in one hole and then the next. This should be something you already know, but it’s good to have a reminder. Never re-use a condom, and if it does slip off and land on the floor, grab another. The club will provide plenty of them.
Condoms are standard, so don’t ever ask to go without. If you need a particular brand, bring them with you and let your partners see what you’re using. Some women will also want you to wear a condom during oral, and that’s their choice. If it’s not something you like, then you can move on. Don’t try and persuade them otherwise.
In the swinging lifestyle, all women are to be treated like princesses. They are not objects, and what they say goes. This means that you will need to watch her reactions and learn as you go. If she likes what you’re doing, she’s sure to reciprocate in kind! No means no, and you should never insist on anything. If a woman asks you to stop, stop. She is allowed to change her mind, just as you are. The same goes in a group sex or gang bang situation. At times you must put your needs aside and deal with the fact that other men are there if you’re looking to get involved.
Dugs aren’t allowed in clubs, but it’s also not advised to get too drunk. Not only can this hamper your performance, it can also put everyone around you on edge, so you are unlikely to be asked to participate. Remember to behave with respect at all times, and you’ll soon become a club favourite.
There’s no need to be nervous about attending a swinging event for the first time, no one is expecting a Calvin Klein model. So long at you are clean and take pride in your appearance, you’re sure to have a good time. If you are respectful, others will respond to it, and you never know, soon your services may be in high demand! If you’re interested in learning more about swinging, head on over to Sin Temptation, where you can find out more about our very own club night.